Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
