I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
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