i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
