Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i think im in europe. pls send help
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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