Pants 0. Shit 1.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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