When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
