When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i think i have two assholes
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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