12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
