Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
