This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
