Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
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Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
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I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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