after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
