my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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