drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I FOUND THE LEGS
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
