Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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