ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
