He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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