I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
