Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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