You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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