Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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