opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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