I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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