You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
