I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
