Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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