These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
