I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
