the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
