Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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