Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
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He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
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I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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