This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
