Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
