wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
