If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
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You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
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I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.