He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
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you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
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Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.