Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
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but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
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I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.