i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.