I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it