What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I need a beard to bite.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
