He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
This is the prime rib incident all over again
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
