I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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