I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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