Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You're like the curious george of whores
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
