You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
