She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
