Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
