im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
