is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
