That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Damn victory sex feels great
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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