I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
