Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
