Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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