Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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