i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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