So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?