pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
nutella sex= disaster
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!