The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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