well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
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I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.