I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
