We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
