sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
