how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
