i think my tv is drunk
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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