I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Alive.
So much puke
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
