the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
