He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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