I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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