considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
