Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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