i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
