I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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