Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize