Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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