she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
