You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize