Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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