i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
