dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
