hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
