Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
