We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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