so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
